I started off the day, today with my feet stuck in a gooky muddy pit of self pity and discouragement. Two things that seem to go hand in hand with searching for a new job. Yup, that's right ya'll... I'm back here again... Looking for a new job, again... FABULOUS!
Anyway, after about 6 whole minutes of Craigs-listing and searching local job listings I felt my insides sink into a place of deep discouragement. My dad was sitting next to me and all it took was for him to glance at me - I exploded into tears.
" I'm USELESS, Dad!"
" I'm paying for a degree that won't get me a job"
" I can't keep a simple job- Couldn't even make commission selling wedding gowns, and I can't wait tables to save my life"
" I can draw, but other people can draw better"
" I have creative ideas, but so does everybody else"
" I'm USELESS!!!!!!!"
" How am I ever going to pay off these stupid loans if I can't even do well at a minimum wage job?!"
And so on...
I immediately felt embarrassed for saying those things, because I know in my heart that God has a use for me- and God is pretty big, so I know that whatever He has up His sleeve is pretty cool. He doesn't put us here by accident, we weren't just spare parts cluttering up His heavenly workshop.
So, after finally pulling myself together I took a drive to Barnes and Noble and talked to God the whole way there, as if He was buckled in the front seat next to me. I told Him everything He already knew but it felt good.
Once I got there, I walked straight ahead to the children's books and collected a stack : 2 Dr. Seuss books, a book called " Nobody Rides the Unicorn" and another called " How I learned Geography".
After that I went to look at some photography books and grabbed a few that looked interesting. And continued onto random sections around the store. Once my basket became heavy, I grabbed some coffee and a table at Starbucks and worked my way through the stack. I laughed out loud at Dr. Seuss and cried a little over the other two Children's books. Then, I paged through a book about Nature/Landscape photography and was once again, amazed by the beauty and mystery of Gods creation.
If it weren't for wildlife photographers and videographers ( that's a word, right? I hope so) we would miss out on seeing some of the amazing animals and places God made for us to see. I'm SO thankful that God gave these people such an eye for His beauty- whether they're aware of it or not, they're doing His work and giving Him glory by using their talents !!!
Book by book, I felt God filling up my fuel tank more and more, recharging me to get back on the horse and get excited about the possibilities to be explored while I'm still here. Even though job searching is total crap- God is right there with you, waiting for you to give Him your future.
I love, love, love, book stores because I notice that I'm not the only one who gets inspired while I'm there. People who work 9-5 jobs go there to read about exotic cities they'd like to explore with their spouses or friends, Empty-nesters flip through books about gardening, bird-watching and new hobbies, parents read to their children, couples dream together over coffee and people temporarily allow themselves to explore new possibilities of life and relax. Am I the only one who thinks that is so cool?!
Walking around until close, I felt God painting over the picture I painted for myself, earlier in the day and completely recharged my battery. He gave me ideas that I have been praying about for , what seems like, a lifetime! I've always wanted to write children's books- at least one before I go to heaven. I could never think of a good idea for one , but I knew I wanted it to be special. FINALLY, God connected dots for me tonight, tying together a number of things I love and am amazed by,and BAM- an idea for not just 1 but maybe 2 or three books. But there are endless possibilities with the Lord , so maybe even more.
Anyway, I'm just excited, in case you couldn't tell- and I wanted to share- plus, typing is much faster than writing and I think/talk too fast for pen and paper! I doubt anybody will read this- if you are, thank you and I hope you find it encouraging.
I pray that this excitement won't die down, like a match that burns for a short while then quickly fizzles out. That's been a common trend in my life lately- passion for an instant until a new idea comes along.... Hopefully, God will help me grow in faithfulness and help me stick to the super cool ideas He planted in my little brain on this fateful night at Barnes & Noble :).
p.s. Full moon tonight + good mixed cds = a great drive home to top off the night. Rock on.
Peace in the Middle East ma Sistahs and Brothas.
" Everything is possible for him who believes." Matthew 9:23
